Friday, September 11, 2009

concert nerves? nah.

Wow, it's been forever since I posted here. Gave a concert in August in Maine of Mozart, Debussy, Ginastera, Haydn, Chopin, and Rachmaninoff. Barely a CMC original in there (I did have to throw in River Dawn right before the intermission). I'd been improvising for so many years that I'd really been out of the loop of classical preparation and performance. It was so refreshing and amazing and a really neat journey to have to pour my focus, concentration, and energies into memorizing the music and preparing for the concert. Towards the end I was putting in over 30 hours a week of practice time. It all paid off and the concert was a tremendous success-- at the very end as I finished the last chords of the Rachmaninoff Elegie, there was complete silence from the audience... no one wanted to the be the first to clap and disturb the experience we all shared together. My husband started the clapping, and I had one of the best feelings of accomplishment I'd had in my life.

It wasn't a smooth journey all the way, as I'm pregnant (officially due in late November) and much of the early work had to be done in my first trimester... can we say no energy, sleeping all the time, major hormonal mood swings and super lack of motivation? Luckily for me (and all those I love around me) my energy came back full swing for the second trimester and I was able to have focus and concentration and even-keeled moods again.

Well, the focus was there-- but I was a nervous wreck... so nervous about performing from memory after so many years of improvising my way through performances. What finally brought me through in the end was two-fold: 1) focused practice -- being able play all of the pieces with my eyes closed, by memory with hands apart, and on a silent keyboard w/visual but no sound-- in other words, completely preparing and not letting muscle memory have the opportunity to sneak in there and fail me and leave me lost - and 2) self-hypnosis/relaxation techniques/visualization/affirmations.

River Dawn has been licensed for a hypnobirthing CD in the UK (yes, I'm using it for my own pregnancy), and as part of the preparation for that CD as well as my own private preparations for childbirth, we had a private hypnobirthing class in our house, which happened to fall just a few weeks before my concert. Our teacher saw that I was a nervous wreck and modified some of the relaxation scripts to specifically address concert nerves... and after she left I was palpably more calm, serene, and confident. She gave us a fear-release script that my husband read to me every night leading up to the concert, and even read just moments before I walked on stage. I also printed out affirmations of my confidence and posted them all over the house for me to see throughout the day, and I put one of them inside the piano during the actual performance so I could touch back on them while playing. What an incredible experience... to feel the nerves lift, to have them not come back, and to have a great concert experience afterwards.

Well, I'd best be off. Several students coming this afternoon. It's the first full week of teaching and I'm so happy to be back in a more structured schedule. Now for baby prep and figuring out how to fit piano practice into the day on top of all that...


Thursday, February 12, 2009

playing in the dark

Our power was out for several hours this evening--with all the super strong winds outside I'm not surprised.  In any case, I was trying to figure out what to do with myself w/o electricity (no internet, no TiVo, no stove for cooking... what's a girl to do?).  I decided to give my hand at playing piano in the dark (no electricity needed for Steinway).  I've been working on Danzas Argentinas by Ginastera, and my teacher had made a comment at my last lesson about my phrasing at one particular section of the piece, and although I'd been working on it since then, it still hadn't really clicked and felt comfortable in my hands.... until i played in the dark, that is.  Wow, my other senses were so amazingly alert and in tune without my being able to see my hands.  The phrasing of the double melody line in the right hand instantly sang to me what it wanted to be.  What surprised me even more, though, was that I could actually feel a difference in my thought process when I closed my eyes versus when I had my eyes open in the dark.  When I closed my eyes I was accessing a different part of the brain and my muscle memory ruled (which wasn't a good thing because my muscle memory was playing the phrasing the old way)... but when I opened my eyes, I was relying on my memory of the note names and listening very intently to the sound of the output.  I can see that this will be an amazing thing for me to do more often.  I'm glad I have the black curtains on the door to my piano studio to block out daytime distractions... but now I know to also turn the lights off and maybe lie a blanket along the strip of light that leaks through at the bottom of the curtains.

On some other notes, a friend bought an amazing piano footstool for me at a silent auction... it's adjustable to 7 different heights and is super easy to change for each student that comes in the door.  I'm so excited!  www.pianofootrest.com

I've been keeping up with the daily yoga and still feeling amazing.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

yoga

I'm seven days in now to a daily yoga practice. Boy, do I feel fabulous! I finally got all the great props I need to aid the poses -bolsters, blocks, strap, blankets- I'm working through "yoga a gem for women" by Geeta Iyengar. I've been a student of Iyengar yoga for over 12 years, but hadn't practiced in a couple of years, and I've never done a daily practice, and I never had the props at home to encourage me. So, now I start this amazing journey... great thing is that already I'm feeling stronger in my lower back, which is really helping me at the piano. I'm working on a technically difficult piece that historically I've been tensing up while playing, and lately have been more at ease while playing, but last night I made it through the entire piece with almost no tension, and it felt really easy! I could really feel my back holding me up.

On Monday night I returned to my original yoga teacher... I had studied with him for 7 years I think, but hadn't seen him in 5 or so. Since I moved I'm now about 25 minutes from his studio... and I can tell you that as soon as I saw him and heard his voice, I felt like I was home. Every time he talked us through the poses and the affirmation he gave during the holding of them felt so comfortable and familiar, and wonderful! It's great to be back.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

25 Things about me

All my friends on Facebook were making lists about themselves... I enjoyed reading them so much I finally agreed to make a list of my own. So, here it is.

1. I once got stuck in a moat at a castle in England by jumping off a wall that I couldn't re-scale. It was early in the morning when it would be hours before anyone would find me.

2. I never dreamed of being a professional pianist. When I was very little I wanted to be a meter maid so I could ride around in the cute little truck. In high school I thought I might study Latin and Greek. I studied engineering in college. Took a while, but I'm very very happy to have found something I am truly passionate about--performing and teaching music.

3. At pre-school I used to read stories aloud to all the other kids.

4. As my high school friends would tell you, I used to wear huge plastic flowers and knitting needles in my hair.

5. My hips are super flexible. As a kid I would always put my feet behind my head and in yoga and dance classes those hip opening stretches never feel like they're doing anything for me.

6. I am typing this as I walk on my treadmill. I figured out how to set up my laptop on the control panel and multi-task that way.

7. I come from a long line of gardeners; our cousins have pics of our grandma and great-grandma sitting amongst their flowers. My grandma and sisters all had specific flowers they specialized in growing. I've come to really love gardening the past couple of years and built an herb spiral in my back yard out of 2.5 tons of local quarry stone.

8. One of my favorite performances ever was dancing tango in Evita on the stage at Longwood Gardens. I wish I had had dance lessons as a kid, because I often think I love dance as much or more than playing piano--but not starting until the 20's made it more difficult to go the pro route.

9. I'm a direct descendant of Henry Hudson (or so I've been told).

10. I took my application to Cornell University to the post office at 10 pm on the day the postmark was due. I got my application to Glamour Magazine's Top Ten College Women to the post office 10 minutes before closing on the day the postmark was due, and hyperventilated for about 20 minutes afterward because I ran through the bitter cold across campus to get it to the last post office that was still open before it closed. Both were successful applications.

11. Speaking of procrastinating, I was the only person in my high school AP English class that had to take the final exam because of missing the grade cut-off (I had a D every other marking period for turning papers in late, and Aís every other marking period). I really hate writing, but I got a 99 out of 100 on my final exam essay.

12. I still procrastinate but I've gotten it mostly under control.

13. My husband and I are mostly vegetarian (I say mostly, because we are known to eat fish at restaurants). I absolutely love to cook, and one of my favorite activities is browsing cookbooks looking for (vegan) recipes that use ingredients I have that need to be used up. I really love the energy I've had since cutting back on my dairy tremendously, and my inherited high cholesterol is no more.

14. My students' piano recital in May is my favorite day of the year.

15. My husband and I got married aboard the "Catherine Marie" dinner yacht. The band played the theme from the "Love Boat" while the guests were boarding.

16. I've always struggled with a out-of-whack menstrual cycle. If I'm not actively managing my diet, exercise, etc, my mood swings take control and I'm usually only productive for 2 weeks out of the month. I'm so sincerely sorry to everyone in my life who has been on the receiving end of this. I love you all. Good news is now I know how to manage through diet, exercise, and discipline.

17. I was mis-diagnosed with epilepsy in college because I was having continual seizures and arm thrashing throughout lectures. My first year out of college I used to kick the underside of conference room tables and had to use a walker because my legs would collapse underneath of me at unexpected times. After tons of doctors and a couple years of mind-numbing meds, I was finally diagnosed with a psychosomatic "conversion disorder" and was cured through hypnotherapy and a career move from banking to music. I've been healthy for well over 10 years now, but my legs still occasionally give out when I am stressed. I don't mind talking about it.

18. I come from a family of scientists. I'm pretty sure I was the only kid on the block with a lens grinding machine, a chemical separator, tons of oscilloscopes and 50 years of Scientific American in the basement. Before I met my husband I dated a long string of scientists. Although I think scientifically about most everything, I'm glad to have "broken free".

19. I used to give names for 6 sides of my personality: Catherine Cassandra Kooten Kalesa Creusa and Tarin. I actually don't remember what they were now.

20. I am embarrassed to admit that I like watching The People's Court. Marilyn Milian rocks.

21. I used to have such a messy room that I had to refer to the "strategically placed footholes" when my mom said I had to have a path from the door to the bed. Now I'm on a super-organizing bent and my house is most of the time very neat. (helps to have a husband who hates messes!)

22. I just started making a t-shirt quilt. I'm still in the color/design planning stages, but I have confidence I will complete this project.

23. I've studied Iyengar Yoga for over 12 years now, more intently in some years than others. I'm returning to it now after a a couple of years of not practicing much, and I'm very excited. I've been studying with an Alexander Technique teacher for a little over a year now. Both disciplines help tremendously with mood swings.

24. I haven't released a recording since 2004. However, in the meantime I've moved 3 times in 2 years, got married, had a death in the close family, had a part-time job as a reference librarian, been establishing a home and garden, and started studying classical piano again. My creativity has been blossoming the past few months, and I can feel the music flowing again.

25. To be written...

Monday, January 05, 2009

random new year's thoughts

so here I am walking on the treadmill with laptop in front of me and listening to the Esbjorn Svensson Trio on my iPod. what? on the treadmill you say? yeah, I discovered last month that our treadmill's operation platform actually supports a laptop quite well and I've been walking and twittering/facebooking/cleanng out my e-mail quite a bit while walking. I guess I was looking for a way to not be bored on the treadmill and not feel guilty about time spent on social networking. also over the holidays we set up a second tivo in the workout room that can stream videos from netflix. my new rule for myself is that all frivolous tv watching (e.g. hgtv, people's court (yeah, yeah, I'm actually admitting I watch it... am I really typing that out loud?) must be while I'm walking on the treadmill. over the summer I found all my pants getting tight and I didn't want to have to go buy new clothes, so I invested in a pair of great walking shoes and starting walking every day... got harder when the time changed and the weather got cold, but after a few weeks I migrated indoors to the treadmill. I also read "the China Study" by Colin Campbell, and was inspired to migrate to a predominantly vegan diet, after being prominently vegetarian for a few years (predominantly meaning I'm not militant about milk and cheese when visiting friends or in a restaurant where there are no other choices)... in any case the combo of fresher diet and walking every day led me to lose the 13 pounds I had gained over the course of a few years.. and now I weigh again what I was when I was dancing tango as much as possible a few years ago. ironically, I had to go buy new clothes because my others were all too big.

i've been thinking a lot about music and discipline lately, but I think I'll hold off and try to commit to writing a blog on the treadmill again soon.