where did I start?

I have a cousin who has lost an insane amount of weight, something like 160 pounds or so.  She now runs marathons.  Talk about inspirational!  A few months ago she was cleaning house and found a pair of pants in the back of her closet from when she was extremely overweight.  She posted a picture of herself on Facebook standing inside of one leg.  She said that sometimes she gets caught up and discouraged by the ups and downs of daily life and forgets just how far she's come.  Finding the pants reminded her just how incredible her journey has been and re-centered her.

I was thinking of her post last week when I revisited the Cornell University campus for my college reunion.  Lately with a baby in my life I've been frustrated by the amount (or lack of) time I spend really and truly practicing the piano or composing, or working on my website.  That's not to say my life isn't full of joy at the moment, because it absolutely is wonderful and awe inspiring to be taking care of a little one.  But-- there are certainly days that I wish I could focus just a little bit more on my passions outside of motherhood.  Well, I know the days are coming that I will have that time (babe is only 7 months at the moment), but it really was wonderful to visit Cornell where I had my first solo recital, where I composed my first piece on the piano, where the first person told me how much they loved my music and how it impacted their life.  I sought out the piano in the student union where I used to play as students were drifting through on their way to breakfast and classes.  There were some extra walls in the building, but I found the piano and the windows it used to sit under look the same.  I had memories of Lila, who sat crying while she listened to my piano music and proceeded later to write a beautiful note that I have framed in my piano studio about how my music brought her the "spark of life".  I visited the piano in  Willard Straight Hall where I had so many of my early concerts.  It really was centering to me to think about the incredible journey I've had with my music in the ensuing years.  As an engineering student, I never would have imagined making the albums I've made, the concerts I've given, the students I've taught. 

plans

Today I have 4 hours of babysitting with no teaching!  The school year is wrapping up; I have a half schedule of students this week and just one or two starting next.  I have so many things on my to-do wish list it's hard to know where to start.  And frankly, I'm so sleepy lately that maybe a nap is in order.  I scheduled an eye appointment so maybe that will end up taking up the whole time too.

In any case, I'm looking forward to more time this summer to devote to my office and piano time.  I would like to make some updates to my website, like adding a link to the "Nursing Our Future" video that uses my music and adding a place where people can submit public performance of my works info to me, finish polishing the sheet music of River Dawn and Shenandoah and post those up for sale, etc.   Updating fan lists and connecting, etc etc. For piano, I have a concert in January that I need to finalize the program for (thinking about tackling a Keith Jarrett transcription).  I would also like to get my home studio set up for recording.  I bought a great microphone over a year ago and have yet to get it set up and working, alas.  Grant applications, etc etc... I guess the list could go on and on.  I have not been at a computer other than to glance through e-mails and do Twitter and Facebook posts in ages and ages.  Even the social network posts I'm doing mostly from my iPod while nursing, so I'm not sure that even counts as computer time.

I wish I had been practicing more lately but after I performed Ginastera at Andrea Clearfield's Salon in April, all my free time ended up being filled with gardening and housework.  The Salon was great-I thought it very cool that my classical playing got several people interested in my own music and I sold an album or two afterwards.  Wishing that I could get a copy of the recording of that evening, but the guy who recorded it hasn't responded to my e-mails over 6 weeks- wondering what's going on there.  I do have a video of my performance that hubby took so I guess I will need to sift through that myself and edit out my performance.  Funny how I spent all this time working on my classical technique over the past year or two and my technique is a million times past where it was before- but sometimes I feel like it never happened, as I was hoping for a testimonial from my Maine concert and a recording of some sort, but neither has materialized (yet).  Oh well, all the work I put in will certainly change my own music for the better.  Wishing that I was feeling more inspired lately to write some more music but nothing seems to come... no surprise though as it's not like I spend a lot of time in the studio.  I play during baby's naptimes but really only lullaby relaxing type stuff, and lately he's been napping in the crib anyway so I've been distracted by housework while he sleeps.

on the baby front, he's adorable (of course) and it's so amazing to watch him learn and grow every day!